Hello Everyone - a penguin, a nun, and a skunk walk into a bar.....
OK, now that I figured out just what the hell to write as an opening line to start this blog thing, I need to clear the air just a little bit....I'll be 41 next week, I'm in the process of getting divorced, and I'm about as mentally burnt out as you can be as a musician, but yet I've never felt BETTER.
The good folks in my divorce support group talk about the importance of "journaling", and even though I could write all my thoughts down in a three-ring binder, I feel better when I write and try to find the upside and/or humor in what could be the most depressing of situations, so humor me for taking my stream of consciousness and importing it into my laptop....dont worry, I promise not to move to Idaho, wear a grey sweatshirt and sunglasses and live in a cabin (although the "Lane ManifeStowe" would be a catchy title....)
Call me crazy, but life just seems way too short.....I woke up about a week and a half ago and wondered what it would be like if I couldn't sing or play an instrument, and if that was the case, what kind of person would I be......then I pulled my head out of my own butt to realize that I've ALWAYS defined myself by music.....I know......what a dumbass. That's why it is here in this blog that I'm letting everyone know that I've decided to take a break from music - perhaps even permanently. Don't get me wrong, I will always listen to music, and support my friends who are musicians, but I just dont have any fun playing anymore....its like in Forrest Gump when he finally stopped running....I don't feel like I have anything worthwhile to give musically anymore (you tend to notice these things when you see/hear other inspired musicians), and truth be told, its just not fun anymore. I'm not writing this in hopes of people saying "No Lane, don't quit".....I hope that you folks will realize that I'm trying to stop feeling so one-dimensional.
I'm sure some folks will look at this as narcissistic and maybe even self-centered and egotistical, but believe me, that's not why I'm doing this. At some point, I hope to find the courage to publicly write about the crap that has traumatized me for years (that some of you know about), and hopefully that will answer some of the "Why is Lane so.......?" questions that I know have been floating around for years. If I had a dollar for every time I think about what it would be like to go back and fix all the mistakes I've made and the feelings I've hurt, I could probably go out and buy a third-world country. So please, be patient with me....I'm trying to figure it all out as I go, and hopefully make the next 41 years a helluva lot better than the first 41.
And oh yeah.....the "Lane's Blog Page from Hell" title? I looked at other blog page names and thought, why come up with some sugar-coated, lame-ass, zippy-skippy title, when I can just shoot straight from the hip? Trust me, I'm sure as I take all these random thoughts in my head and type 'em down on the laptop, there will be days when it will feel like I've just escaped the gates from Hell for sure.
Anyhoo, this is the first post.....more to come.....