Wednesday, September 15, 2010

....a sad observation about the locals in amish country.....

Greetings from my hang at the "B&N" (Barnes & Noble)....

Sitting here people watching (and simultaneously that a word?) on a Wednesday night here in Amish country....I'm still amazed that people can still shock the hell out of me in this town....about 10 minutes ago, I overheard a middle-aged couple sitting in the Starbucks section,  referring to an African-American numerous times as "colored"...WTF?? Being the wise-ass that I am (and in this case, am very proud to be), I held up my cellphone and politely said  "Excuse me, I've got the Deep South in 1964 on the phone....they want their catch phrase back." (And yes, it was worth pissing them off BIG TIME!) What shocks me even more is that nobody around them seemed the least bit shocked or offended......just when you think you've seen and heard it all.....Lancaster - gotta love it.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

pet peeves.....

25 things that drive me crazy on any given day....

25. People who come to a complete stop before turning on the turn signal.
24. Grabbing the milk or orange juice container out of the fridge, and there's barely a sip left.
23. People who have 100 pens on their desk, and NONE of them work! (I know Michele, I'm guilty of this one!)
22. Old, heat-lamp-warmed french fries.
21. Sport mufflers - yeah, in addition to the unbelievably obnoxious noise they make, they really make your souped-up-neon-plastered Ford Focus that much cooler. (Uh, no.)
20. When adjectives and/or nouns are used as verbs - is there anything sadder that hearing a professional athelete say "we out-physicaled them" as a way to define victory?
19. Commercials broadcast at inappropriate times - nothing makes dinner more interesting than hearing about excessive bleeding with cramping and four-hour erections.
18. People who can't (won't) put the shopping carts back in the designated areas....once you end up with a few shopping cart dents in your car, you'll know exactly what I mean!
17. "Flatulation without representation" - I'm pretty sure the British colonists of the original 13 colonies in the 1750's had someone who spoke up about this, and the reply received was probably "whoever shalt smelt it, hath dealt it".
16. NFL Pre-game show banter - the fake laughter of Shannon Sharpe on CBS and Tom Jackson on ESPN is enough to make my skin crawl. (Bring back Jimmy the Greek!)
15. Dogs dressed in outfits - its bad enough that your poodle can get its ass kicked by just about every other breed of you really have to put him in a bright fuschia sweater?
14. Backwards toilet paper - the roll always comes down in the front - ITS THE LAW.
13. Diner waitresses with really bad teeth - nothing witty about just creeps me the hell out.
12. FM Radio DJ Intros - just once, I'd like to be able to hear the intro to "Reelin' In The Years" without all the lame humor and the drivetime traffic reports.....which leads me to....
11. Smooth Jazz DJ's in general - how badly do you have to flunk an IQ test to get this gig?
10. Twitter - some people should not be allowed to have such an avenue for flaunting ignorance. (See #20.)
  9. Keith Olbermann & Glenn Beck - one is left, the other the exact opposite of left, and the day will never come when either of them will be RIGHT.
  8. Best Buy/Circuit City employees - don't you just love how they treat you like you don't even know how to turn on your TV, let alone know what could be wrong with it?
  7. The car music "double standard" - let me get this straight....its cool for the white guy to blast Jay-Z from his car speakers, but I'm a sellout for playing my Zepplin too loud? Seriously???
  6. People who take 15 minutes to order at McDonald's - besides the addition of the McCafe and the elimination of the McRib, has the menu really changed that much in 40 years?
  5. WalMart fashion - just beacuse they make the white stretch pants in your size, that's not reason to wear them with the blue polka-dot thong while showing off your 'tramp stamp' above your butt crack.....I'm just sayin'.....
  4. Third person references - usually found with celebrity and/or athelete interviews and Twitter posts......don't make Lane get all angry up in here!
  3. When mens room urinal etiquette is not followed - there should be no talking whatsoever, you should always look straight forward, and no matter how great the touchdown was to win the game, no hand shaking or hi-fiving.....EVER!!
  2. Parrotheads - Really? People follow Jimmy Buffett around the country to hear him sing Margaritaville every night? And they do this on purpose???
  1. The Toilet Seat - sorry ladies, but if men are so stupid and forgetful, how come we can remember to LIFT THE TOILET SEAT UP?

If anyone has any quirky pet peeves to share, please feel free...