Wednesday, August 11, 2010

50 songs that should never be played again......EVER....

The idea for this list started with a conversation I had with my buddy Rob Wrate, while we were hanging out in NYC a few weeks ago...we were thinking of songs that are either overplayed, are overrated, or just plain SUCK in some cases, I've listed the artist instead of a song, because all of their hits were, well.....let's just say they hit "TILT" on the suck-o-meter and leave it at I've had the pleasure (???) of playing most of these songs on gigs over the past 25 years, I think they should be treated like athletes in the Hall of Fame....RETIRED, NEVER TO PLAY AGAIN!!!

Here's my list....feel free to add or disagree....

50. Unchained Melody (Ghost) - please, somebody chain it!!
49. Songbird (Kenny G) - do I even need to explain why I hate this?
48. Afternoon Delight (Starland Vocal Band) - how they got a variety show out of this one hit, I'll never understand...
47. The Wang Chung Collection - and no, I never Wang least not in public.
46. Hells Bells (AC/DC) - Brian Johnson's voice will forever be like nails on a blackboard to me.
45. Kokomo (Beach Boys) - does that mean "jumped the shark" in Hawaiian?
44. I Ran (Flock of Seagulls) - two words....keep running!
43. Start Me Up (Stones) - the offical song of NFL kickoffs everywhere....enough already!
42. Everything ever re-recorded by UB 40 - WTF???
41. Pour Some Sugar On Me (Def Leppard) - gasoline might be more appropriate.
40. McArthur Park (Donna Summer) - I still have no idea what the hell this song is it about a park or a cake?
39. Open Arms (Journey) - I hear the piano intro, and I can practically SMELL the year 1982.
38. Rico Suave (Gerardo) - more like Douche-o Bag-o.
37. Superstition (Stevie Wonder) - a song that has earned its place in a true Hall of Fame....just tired of crapppy hip hop acts butchering it.
36. Mony Mony (Billy Idol) - the "Hey! Hey What? Get......." line gets very old very quickly.
35. Muskrat Love (Captain & Tenille) - the only thing creepier than this song is that it is one of Henry Kissinger's favorite tunes.......can't you just picture him getting busy to this? (Yuck!)
34. Walk Like an Egyptian (Bangles) - or as I called it "Suck, 'Cause We're Not Musicians!"
33. My Heart Will Go On (Celine Dion) - too bad SHE wasn't on the Titanic!
32. You're The Inspiration (Chicago) - if you listen carefully, you can hear Chicago founding band member Terry Kath rolling in his grave.
31. Play That Funky Music - is there anything worse than hearing a crappy-2-man-sequenced-Ramada-Inn-lounge band trying to play this? Makes my ears bleed....
30. MMMBop (Hanson) - MMM-Not!
29. Wind Beneath Mty Wings (Bette Midler) - everytime I hear this song, I throw up in my mouth a little bit.
28. We Built This City (Starship) - Seriously? The same singer who sang White Rabbit? No way....
27. I'm Too Sexy (Right Said Fred) - the new lyric must be "I'm too sexy to park cars...."
26. Wonderful Tonight - once you've seen "blue hairs" make out to this song on the dance floor, you'll wanna rip your eyes out, because you know you are scarred for life.
25. Brick House - once you've seen blue hairs "bump and grind" to this song, well, just see #26.
24. The Milli Vanilli Catalog - 'nuff said.
23. Ice, Ice Baby (Vanilla Ice) - I can't even type that without laughing.
22. Copacabana (Barry Manilow) - A song that has earned the right to be put out to pasture...
21. Paradise By The Dashboard Light - there is not a karaoke bar in the United States where this song hasn't been butchered by a group of drunk people.
20. Lady Marmalade (LaBelle) - Voulez-vous coucher avec-moi? Non, parce que cette chanson suce. (Translation: No, because this song sucks.)
19. I Will Survive (Gloria Gaynor) - You might, but will the rest of us, if we have to hear this song again?
18. Boogie, Oogie Oogie (Taste of Honey) - Annoying, oying, oying.
17. Bye, Bye, Bye (N'Sync) - Bye, Bye Bye? Good, and don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
16. Smooth (Carlos Santana) - If only this song got more airplay....
15. Summer Lovin'/Greased Lightning (Grease) - they're all in their 60's now.....get over it!
14. YMCA (Village People) - just once, I'd love to see the Village People perform this and spell SPCA...
13. The Macarena/Electric Slide - to my musician friends....have some fun and play these songs in 3 or 5 instead of 4....its fun watching people trip and fall down on the dance floor!
12. Stayin' Alive (Bee Gees) - refresh my memory.....hairy chests and high falsettos were in style at what point in time?
11. Proud Mary - if I only had a dollar for every time I wanted to smack somebody for requesting this song while I was playing a gig!
10. Achy, Breaky Heart (Billy Ray Cyrus) - its only a matter of time before we have to endure the Hannah Montana remake....don't say you weren't given fair warning.....ugh....
 9. Oh What A Night (Four Seasons) - a night that makes me glad the sun eventually came up.
 8. Mambo #5 (Lou Bega) - thank God we didn't have to deal with Mambos #1-4.
 7. Can't Help Falling In Love (Elvis) - if I had to choose between hearing this song again, and being a fire hydrant in a dog park, that's almost a toss-up.
 6. Sweet Caroline (Neil Diamond) - the only fun thing about this song now is singing "Sweet Caroline,
(F#$%&#G SLUT!!)" during the chorus...and hey, when did Neil Diamond start singing like William Shatner?
 5. Lady In Red (Chris De Burgh) - I'd ask how did this song become popular, but the bigger question is WHY???
 4. Through The Eyes of Love - Theme from "Ice Castles" (Melissa Manchester) - a true suckfest, but the episode of Everybody Loves Raymond when Ray tries to cry to this song is priceless!
 3. Old Time Rock and Roll (Bob Seger) - if I ever meet Tom Cruise, I'm gonna slap him silly for making this song so popular again.
 2. Brown Eyed Girl (Van Morrison) - if this song disappeared tomorrow, every lounge band in America would lose the "crown jewel of their musical aresenal."
 1. Margaritaville (Jimmy Buffett) - this song has sold out in every way possible - restaurants, clothing, books, hotels, you name it....shoot me now!!!


  1. Thank you. I came home in such a rat ass mood. I saw this and read it and laughed my ass off! I worked in record retail for WAY too many years, I've been in various forms of bands,trios,duo's... Not only do I agree but could probably add to this and then some! LOL! Looking forward to the next installment! Hope all is well (?)

  2. Can't believe you left off "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald." But I guess you didn't have too many requests for that! ;-D

  3. Audra said: LOL! Love this! Hey, you are supposed to dedicate Margaritaville to me when you play it. :P